Rewriting the Script – Breaking the Script (Part 2)
Continuing on from part one of breaking the script, I will now share a real-life example of how I have used this logic to rewrite the scripts in my life.
Change in Action
I’ll give you an example: I used to have an issue with my behaviour where I would get quite cold, angry and sometimes aggressive with people. It was almost like I actually enjoyed feeling a bit angry at the world.
This is something that started in my late teens, eased off a bit when I went to university and then started to rear its head again once I got in to the world of work and took a job in an office. My cold nature would mean I could be quite didactic at times which lead to me having trouble effectively engaging with other people.
I had identified the behaviour that I no longer wanted and I acknowledges that my feelings of anger were not constructive. I wanted to be calmer, relaxed and more measured. So started the reflection, this is what I found:
What was actually behind this was a belief system that I was hard work, others would not like me, other people could not be trusted, and that the world as a whole was out to get me. All a bit self-centred really!
Keeping Myself Safe
As a result of this belief system, I formulated a “self-defence” script that was triggered by feelings of insecurity.
Due to the fact I was living in the domain of me, and not I, negative self-beliefs being whispered by my foreman would mean that when apprehension arose, I would not even register it. I would just unconsciously develop a feeling of insecurity and the costume of the script would be donned!
I developed this script as a result of being bullied at a young age, it was also in part, imprinted on me by my father by being told I was not good enough. I have memories of feeling angry, hopeless and isolated when I was around the ages of 5-14. This was an adapted child script.
A reminder: The past is the past, the future is yet to happen, all we have is the present.
Honesty
One of the hardest things to do was to be honest with myself about my own negative self-beliefs. You see, the problem with negative self-beliefs is that we like to hide them from everyone and lie, pretending for example that when you are uncertain you are confident.
The game that we play is just the whispers of our ego trying to protect us from the words of other people. The problem with your ego is that it knows you (I), are not me, so it treats you just like anyone else and hides the truth.
The only way to break the safe of truth that is locked in your ego is with persistence and determination. Start with one small break through and the dominoes will begin to fall.
The lifespan of a human body is so short that we have precious little time to waste on lies.
The truth hurts, but it shall also set us free. If you are struggling to find the truth, reacquaint yourself with the principle of Be the Change; it may just do the trick.
A Brighter Future
Back to my script: I rewrote this script by redefining the beliefs I had about myself and others and working backwords from there. It took a number of years to do.
Awareness was the first step then periodically over time I gathered evidence that would reinforce my new beliefs. Reprogramming the beliefs was the hardest part, the much easier but still lengthy part was learning to let go of the emotion.
They key was realising that there was nothing to let go of, it was just a case of not grabbing hold. We will reflect more on this specific point in the emotional checkpoint tool.
Here is what my script looked like when I was done:
The significant change that you can see in my new script is that it is smaller; I have taken conscious ownership of the feeling in response to the instinctual emotion (how we feel).
No longer am I unconsciously starting to feeling insecure when I become apprehensive; apprehension now sets off an alarm in my mind (think about a one millionth customer winning a prize when they walk in to a store); now is it time to by challenged and learn!
I consciously choose to feel optimistic because I accept that the process, which I am part of, is natural (not manufactured by the world to get me), and that I am capable of doing what needs to be done. Always.
Climbing the Mountain
The relationships between our emotions, scripts, and beliefs can be a complex one, but change is possible given enough time and determination.
Start small; pick one script and set of beliefs to work on at a time. Begin by spotting patterns in your behaviours and feelings, then whip out your spade and start digging. Uncover the gold that lies within you.
You are not alone with this; everyone is dealing with similar issues. This is why the principles and tools of The Mountain Pathway apply universally to the human mind.
In the school of psychology what I am describing is called transactional analysis. There are some wonderful councillors out there that can help you structure your thinking and approach to working out what is going on in your internal world.
I started this journey on my own in my mid-twenties, trying to straighten myself out without knowing about scripts. Over a decade later when I went to see a councillor, she opened my mind to this subject and helped me to develop a structured approach of working though things. I will be forever grateful to her for her advice.
This tool will empower you to take responsibility for all aspects of your behaviour and if applied correctly, will allow you to redefine the belief system you hold about yourself and the world.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
The first person you need to ask is yourself.
It takes great strength to be vulnerable.
Enjoy, for now