Acceptance
This is the first tool in the Mindset tool kit.
Cultivating the right mindset is synonymous to preparing soil to make it fertile so your desired plants can grow. The mindset tools are enhancing principles and rules that underpin your approach to challenges. They are designed to help you find resilience in the face of challenge. If introspection is the foundation, these tools are the walls.
What is it?
This tool is so blindingly obvious that we often take it for granted and walk past it. So even though it is simple, there is value in this reminder.
Accept the reality of the situation and your responsibility.
Let’s break this down a bit…
Taking Responsibility
You are only responsible for what you can directly control. If you cannot directly control something or are reliant on only influencing, it would be unkind toward yourself to hold yourself to account over execution of an unrealistic responsibility.
Develop clarity around this definition and learn to apply it to all paradigms in your life.
Accepting Reality
The reality of the situation is founded on the clear understanding of what you can and cannot control, fore if you cannot control something, you must accept it.
Let’s look at an example:
If you must (you cannot control this) eat a Frog every day, (assuming you do not enjoy this) then the best strategy to employ would be to wake up and eat the Frog. Fully accept the task at hand and just simply get it done and out the way.
The tool of acceptance is basically this.
How does it work?
The tool of acceptance when applied creates a foundation of clarity where you can then apply the other tools within the mindset tool kit to overcome the adversity that you face.
Acceptance is like blowing the whistle at the start of a match; you cannot apply all the lessons you have learnt in training until the match actually starts. When you accept your responsibility to take action on what you control, this is like you consciously grabbing the whistle and blowing it.
Knowing when the match has not started
Often when we are completing a task that we do not find enjoyable, the thing that makes it much more difficult is out denial of the fact that we need to do it. Having an inner dialogue along the lines of:
- This is boring…
- This is rubbish…
- Why should I have to do this?
- This is going to take forever…
This is like trying to play a football match while people watching in the crowd. It only makes the task harder.
Acceptance is the antidote to this internal dialogue and unlocks your ability to push forward.
Starting the Match
Carrying on the football analogy, acceptance could be viewed as finally focusing solely on the match. There is however another level to take this to that allows the momentum of your whole mind and through process to kick in and in and do a lot of the work for you – this is like playing with the team in a football match rather than going it solo.
Now the effort needed to unlock this team play (maximum focus) will be influenced by your mindset, skill, and experience of the task at hand.
For someone who has cultivated great grit and determination, the simple act of acceptance may be enough to allow them to push forwards and make progress. For other people (myself included), there may be the need to employ some other tactics to get things going.
Here are a few of the mental tactics I use:
Learn to do it like you love it.
Much like acceptance, this one sounds a little obvious, and potentially hard to apply, but if done achieved, this is what will separate you from other people.
For me, this is all about gamification.
- Breaking a task down in the small chunks so you can compete against yourself to improve as you do it.
- Spending time reflecting on a difficult conversation you need to have and trying to predict how bad it may possibly go. Then setting yourself the challenge to face in to it regardless and accept the consequences.
- Trying to find the most efficient way possible to complete a task by optimising the way that you are doing it – works great for mountains of admin.
There are lots of different tactics, and I will explore this further in the approach toolkit as part of the gamification tool. The fundamentals behind this though are trying to inject some fun by taking ownership of the how (the thing you can control) and worrying less about the what (the thing you cannot control).
Be grateful for the opportunity.
Cheesy as hell, but be grateful for the opportunity this task gives your to:
- Demonstrate to yourself that you can apply yourself
- Learn to work though internal resistance to accomplish things
- Take on a significant responsibility for something important
- Prove to other people what you can achieve
Discomfort triggers growth, and any task where this tool may apply carries within it the opportunity for you to cultivate your own development. Be grateful for this.
Don’t just think this. Write it down, or say it out loud.
Trust me, from my experience, this has a profound effect on your mindset and ability to apply yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you grin, laugh, or feel silly while doing it. If anything, these responses are what you want – accept and laugh or cry and reject, it is your choice.
Remember: Stress happens when the mind refuses to accept what is
If the thought of the task at hand is bringing you stress, the way to alleviate that stress is though acceptance.
You are the only one that can accept a task.
That is your responsibility.
Thus you are responsible for your stress as it is a by-product in your mind of not accepting the task. Stress is not part of the task, it is the feeling of resistance in your mind.
The solution to stress is simple.
If you can accept your responsibility for your own stress, then accepting the responsibility for the task at hand will be easy.
Benefits and Practical Applications
Acceptance is a skill – we get better at it the more we do it.
A skill is an ability that we can apply, and once we know that we have this power available to us, we grow in confidence at our own ability to deal with whatever life throws at us.
I personally have found my ability to accept whatever life throws at me, to be a great separator in my levels of productivity versus that of others.
I’m not suggesting at all that we should compare ourselves to others to validate our own worth, but this sentiment in a professional capacity can be the thing that gets you that next promotion or unlocks that next move.
In a personal capacity, I’ve dealt with death, relationships breakdowns, negative family politics, and near-death experiences, all of which have afforded me the opportunity to cultivate this skill of acceptance. All of which I have faced in to and delt with more effectively over time.
I now know with supporting evidence, that I have a foundational level of this skill. That knowledge gives me confidence that I can face in to anything that life throws at me. Anything.
This is a path I have walked for most of my adult life.
I am grateful for the opportunity.
I hope you are too.
Do you accept your responsibility to create the life that you deserve?
Enjoy, for now.