Creating Congruence – Benefits and Practical Applications
This is the final post in the Creating Congruence series. You can access all of the other posts here:
Creating Congruence – Should I Say Should
Creating Congruence – Redefining Perfection
Creating Congruence – The Balancing Game
Creating Congruence – Accepting Perfection
Creating Congruence – Integrating your Shadow
A Disconnect
Harbouring an unrealistic and idealistic definition of the perfect human triggers our foreman to whip out the ‘should gun’ and start to blast us. When this happens, we will eventually fall under the spell of perfection; we will join sides with our foreman and work to bring about our own demise through destructive thinking.
The tool of creating congruence is all about shattering our illusions and taking back control of our senses of wellbeing and fulfilment.
The practices of replacing should with could, redefining perfection, playing the balancing game, integrating our shadow, and accepting perfection all help us to develop more self-compassion.
To be successful at creating congruence, we need to learn to love and be kind to ourselves. It is only with kindness and tenderness that we can nurture ourselves to grow to our fullest potential.
Self-Compassion
Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that we should devoid ourselves of a bit of tough love every now and again; sometimes the stick is just as necessary as the carrot. What I am saying is that we will find that we achieve a larger amount of success, at a higher frequency, if we learn to use the carrot more and be kind to ourselves.
Developing self-understanding and self-compassion underpins the development of compassion for others. You are your own test subject. The act of creating the best relationship you can with yourself, is practice which will help you improve the relationships you have with other people.
When you manage to reduce the gap between your definition of me and your definition of the perfect human, your foreman will talk less and less. You will develop a feeling of mental calm which can elevate in to true bliss.
It is a double-edged sword too, the more calm, open space you have in your mind, the more focus you have available to dedicate to the present moment and the pursuit of your goals. It is a wonderful feedback loop that will help your river of vitality surge.
It is The Mountain
Creating congruence is a lifetimes work; it never stops. As we have new experiences where we are evolving, learning and growing; we need to maintain our definition of the perfect human by keeping it up to date and balanced. We need to do this so we in can continue to grow. We grow in to the gap we create. Remember; when we stop growing, our vitality leaves us and we die.
I have called this framework the mountain pathway. This tool sits right at the core of the mountain and stretches from deep within the bed rock right up to the summit. It is a linchpin tool that once learned, will help you create the right foundations to apply every other principle and tool in the framework.
Once we accept ourselves for who we are and we learn to love ourselves, we will find that life becomes much easier. With our psychological baggage dropped, we will feel lighter, more vibrant and have a clearer sense of responsibility and purpose.
Truly knowing who we are, and accepting the responsibility we have for the choices we make improves our resilience and confidence. As we project ourselves with authenticity and sincerity we will connect more deeply with other humans and the entire world around us.
Self-actualisation is the reason we are all here.
As clear minds give in to reason, we will find ourselves welcoming a new horizon.
-New Horizons, Textures
Enjoy, for now.