This post is the first in the Creating Congruence series. The Creating Congruence tool is the sixth tool in the introspection toolkit, and the final tool in the exploring your inner world subseries of tools.
Here is a little summary of how all the tools fit together:
You can access all the other tools quickly here using the subjects page.
Let’s find out what this tool is all about…
Remember when we talked about your foreman whispering the spell of me to you?
When your foreman is whispering about me, they will say things like “you are this” or “you are that”. It is reciting your definition of me; your story. Your foreman will also whisper words that tell you what you are not. But, to profess to know what you are not, implies that the foreman knows what you should be.
This is where your definition of the perfect human comes in to play.
The Perfect Human
Let’s recap: Produced as a spin-off from the “story of me”, your definition of the perfect human starts to be programmed in to your ego from a very early age.
Taught to you by your parents, teachers, friends, religion, magazines and social media; it is your own personal definition of everything about the perfect human; how they should look, how they should eat, how much they should exercise, what kind of partner they should have, how many kids they should have, what kind of house they should have, what kind of car they should drive, how they should behave, what god they should pray to… everything.
Should, should, should, should, should!
The word should, sits at the centre of your definition of the perfect human. Afterall, it is they type of human you should aspire to be like… shouldn’t you?
The Goal of Perfection
Having a definition of the perfect human is essential for us to be able to set goals and measure if we are living our life to our true potential. The problem is not that our definition of the perfect human exists; the problem is with what we choose (or don’t choose) to be our definition of the perfect human.
Because our definition starts to be formed very early in our lives, we incorporate features in to it simply because we were told the perfect human should be like that; and just like in our definition of me, we incorporate these ideas and concepts without challenge because the wisdom is imparted to us by people that we love and respect.
An example of where this could be a problem is if someone acquired a definition stating that the perfect relationship was between a man and a woman, but that person found that they had an attraction to a partner of the same sex. If the definition of the perfect human held by that person was not updated and refined, they would suffer lots of pain and anguish as their ego attempted to should them in to oblivion!
Not all of the early stuff is bad though. My parents taught me not to steal and I still include that in my definition!
Everyone has their own personal definition of the perfect human. It is the yard stick our foreman uses to measure us and other humans against, and if we or they fall short, it is the same stick that it uses to dish out the punishment.
You will find that much of your “annoyance” with the world and other people, is actually just a projection of you own perceived short comings in respect of perfection. Having listened to the foreman’s whisper of perfection, so you are already annoyed at yourself for falling short; this means that you are hyper aware of this particular shortcoming so will spot it very fast in other people and react to it strongly.
We can choose to stop judging other people by choosing not to listen to our foreman and judge ourselves.
The spell of me and the spell of perfection are whispered by the same tongue; they deserve the same treatment. When you learn to hear but not listen, eventually the talking will stop. Learning to apply the tool of I and me is the key to this. It is also the first stage on the journey to creating congruence.
Creating congruence is the act of creating agreement or harmony.
When we attain harmony between our definition of the perfect human and our actions within the present moment, this is called self-actualisation.
Self-actualisation is the knowing feeling throughout your entire mind and body that you are living to your highest potential. When you feel this way, you will feel your river of vitality begin to surge and flow, you will feel connected to the great ocean of the universe and everything that is one.
This is true happiness.
Full acceptance creating contentment with what is.
The principle is simple. When our actions in the present moment match our definition of the perfect human, the spell of perfection is broken. It simply no longer exists.
We realise that we have always embodied perfection and always will though our power of choice.
If choice is the doorway, action is the key.
The insights in this tool will help you take ownership of your definition of the perfect human and will enable you to rekindle your relationship with it. This tool is a journey, not a destination. Once you understand it, much like your OWL, it will never leave your side.
Strategies and Tools
In the next four posts we will look at different strategies and tools you can use to discover and redefine your definition of the perfect human.
First becoming aware, then accepting what is, so you can take action to effect change in your life.
I’ll leave you with this:
Judge yourself by your own standards.
Not by anyone else’s.
Then learn not to judge at all.
Enjoy, for now.