Hunting Fear
This is the second tool in the Mindset tool kit.
What is it?
To hunt is to actively search. Hunting fear is all about developing an awareness of the inner fears that unconsciously drive our behaviours.
Fundamentally the hunting fear tool is one of awareness and acceptance.
Often, we do not incorporate fears in to our “definition of me”. This means that the image we use to define ourselves does not include an honest view of our fears. When this happens, it prevents us from taking action to grow in the face of our fears.
Now, this behaviour in and of itself actually stems from fear. Fear of rejection by others and maybe even fear from rejection by ourselves (see creating congruence). In a bid to be the person we think we “should” be; we cover up our fears and attempt to don a mask of perfection.
The effect of this kind of fear repression is that we can experience behavioural challenges we find it hard to explain – it may seem our behaviour is irrational or illogical. Well, it is not that it is irrational or illogical, it is just that we have repressed our root fears so we are unable to trace the logic to the source.
Fear in Action
Here is an example:
You are a senior manager and have received feedback that one of your staff is not being collaborative with their colleagues. You know you need to address this with them directly, but when faced with the conversation, you simply talk around the subject and fail to address it. You explain this away to yourself as difficultly finding the right words. The reality is though that you have built a professional persona founded on always being right and/or knowing the answer, this is a new situation for both of you, and to lead by example you need to be willing to be vulnerable and have a collaborative conversation where you explore the subject together. The risk with this is that if the other person decides not to play ball midway through the conversation, you will be exposed and open to attack – fear of not having the right answer.
Now if you had the skills and confidence to deal with this, then it would not be a problem. Second best though is being aware of the fact you lack these skills and have this fear so you can then consciously choose to face in to this situation and grow. Fundamentally it is this self-honesty that enables you to take responsibility for your own development rather than settling with your misdirected evaluation of the situation without factoring in the root fear.
Once you learn to find and face the fears within yourself, you can then learn to do the same for others. This is not about forcing others to face their fears, it is about learning to be kind and understanding by practicing empathy.
How does it work?
This tool is primarily about developing an awareness of our fears so we can then design appropriate action plans to face them and grow. I will however share a couple of models for re-framing your fears to lessen the stress associated to them and make them more surmountable.
Where to Look
Understanding where fear comes from – it is all about possible loss.
- Loss of life
- Loss of wealth
- Loss of health
- Loss of reputation
- Loss of respect
- Loss of self-respect (something we often do not think of, but it is the thing we must always guard against).
In my initial description, I mention possible, and that is key. Fear is a future focused emotion, it is not about what is happening right now, it is about what might happen.
“I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”
― Mark Twain
You may have fear of being attacked by a bear, but in the moment of the attack there would be no fear, simply experience and action.
Understanding the root of your fears is all about understanding the foundation of “you”. The things we are most afraid to lose are the things we choose to define who we are, the things that give us our identity.
Spend some time listing out the five key things about yourself that you think define who you are, or you could say 5 features of your identity.
How would you feel if any of these was lost or taken from you?
Think about a situation where you have behaved in way that was not constructive and could have been handled better… in these situations, is there a particular aspect of our identity that was at risk?
I’ll give you an example by looking at some traits of my identity:
- I fix things and provide solutions
- I’m in control and know what is going on
- I’m fit, healthy and athletic
- I’m curious and willing to learn
- I’m honest and transparent (A later update as I have learnt)
If I lost my identity as someone who is could fix things and provide solutions, I have a fear that people would not see me as valuable anymore (loss of reptation).
In professional situations, this fear has manifested as me at times trying to “blag it”, where I attempt to give a confident answer that I am not actually confident in, or becoming frustrated/angry at situations where I am unable to immediately provide solutions.
For me personally, since acknowledging this as part of my identity I have practiced principle number 3 – Speak Sincerely, and Mindset tool number 5 – honest above all else. I have come to learn that being honest about what I know and do not know both provides an example to other of how we can interact, as well as actually providing the quickest way to working out what the best solution is.
If I don’t know, then let’s do some research and find someone that does – then I can lean the solution and have it in my toolkit for next time!
Not Easy
It is not easy being honest with ourselves about our fears because it will mean that we need to redefine our identity. This act just by itself is going to create fear.
Not easy though does not mean not possible.
Think about it like the challenge of finding a secret door that is not locked… finding the door is the hard part, opening it is easy, walking through it is scary, but once you have done it once, you can do it time and time again.
Hunting fear is a skill.
It is important to remember though that fear is not a bad thing, it is health. It is fear that keeps us safe and tells us where to look. Fear when managed effetely becomes and asset, it is only out of control unexamined fear that causes us problems.
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
-Socrates
Part 2
In part 2 of this series we will explore reframing techniques and look at the benefits and practical applications of this tool.
Enjoy, for now.