Accepting Failure to Bring Success

What is failure?

When we mean failure, do we actually mean being unsuccessful?

I suppose it really comes down to if we attribute the failure to that of an attempt, or an absolute state which means the game is over.

There is a big difference between the mindset that says I have failed/been unsuccessful at that attempt vs. I am a failure.

Failed attempts are simply a part of life where as being a failure is an end state in life…

The Road to Success

When we are afraid to fail, this can lead us to not fully commit to our actions. This is a form of self-sabotage where the fear of failure actually makes the failure manifest. In some strange way we have at least been successful at mitigating the pain of being unsuccessful as if we have not fully committed ourselves, we have an excuse to misdirect our minds with.

Does this sound familiar to you?

The trick with success is that we need to fully commit ourselves to our actions to give ourselves the best possible chance of succeeding. This is a double-edged sword though as when we fully commit to and strive towards a particular outcome, if we are unsuccessful, we will feel the maximum disappointment.

What are we to do then?

Bumps in the Road

Fear of being unsuccessful actually stems from a fear that we will not be able to handle the consequences of being unsuccessful – this could either be external consequences such as not getting a job when you need the cash coming in, or internal consequences when we are looking to an achievement to validate our own sense of self-worth.

While both scenarios differ in their life circumstance, the root is the same – we don’t think we will be able to handle the situation we will find ourselves in.

This then is where we need to shift our focus if we want to unlock our ability to apply ourselves with maximum commitment.

Facing in to the Challenge

Here I will share some insights to help you face in to this very fear…

The Delusion of Permeants and being Indifferent

I have shared some tools and tips of facing in to our fears as part of the hunting fear series. In these posts we look at the delusion of permeance and the stoic system of being indifferent, they are both super useful at putting our fears in to a broader content and as such helping alleviate them. Here are links for you to explore:

Premeditatio Malorum

Premeditatio Malorum is a stoic daily meditation performed at the start of the day where you play through the events of the day to come and imagine the worst possible outcomes and face in to how you will handle it.

Now, there is a balancing act with this as what we are not trying to do is create a self-fulfilling prophecy where you expect this to happen so subconsciously make it manifest; we are instead making sure you are prepared psychologically so if it does manifest you are confident you will be able to handle it. Thus, giving you the confidence to push forwards with maximum commitment.

This is all about developing plans to proactively reduce the probability these negative events will happen while also ensuring we are ready if they do.

Here is a link to a post exploring this practice further:

https://mindfulstoic.net/premeditatio-malorum/

Your Definition of You

In the earlier example where our fear stems from failure reducing our sense of self-worth, we need to dig deep in to our psyche and evaluate how we actually derive our sense of self-worth, and not only that, how we define who we are.

These are both topics I have explored in previous tools so here are some links for you to explore:

Pushing Forwards

First remember:

We see what we choose to focus on.

In the job situation, can you focus on the promise of the opportunity to create a pull motivation while also being aware of the unsuccessful outcome and using avoidance of it as a push motivation?

You know you could deal with it if you had to (Premeditatio Malorum and being Indifferent), so there is no need to be afraid, you would just rather not need to deal with it.

In the validation scenario, are you able to see how attainment (your definition of the perfect human) as a form of self-validation (how you define yourself) is a road to dissatisfaction and that you are much better to validate your effort than the outcome?

With the root of both these problems being the same, the net result of all this analysis is also the same:

Are you now in a position where you can accept both the successful and unsuccessful outcomes equally?

If the answer is yes, you are ready to begin, this time with maximum commitment 😊

Summary

To be successful at the most difficult things in life, we must be fully committed and believe with our whole being.

We can only do this without fear of being unsuccessful.

We are only fear non-success if we cannot emotionally accept that as an outcome, and there are things we can do to alleviate that fear.

We only fail when we accept it. – Unsuccessful is not failure.

Failure is losing the war.

Being un successful allows us to lose the battle, but continue to push forwards to win the war.

So, to fully commit, we must first become non-attached to the outcome.

This means we can accept it regardless, not that we don’t want one outcome more than the other.

We know we are not defined by the destination, but by the journey to reach it.

The Next Level – Wu Wei

There is another level to take this approach to, well I say level, this could well be a whole alternative path. I however have found that unlocking the potential of Wu Wei first required me to develop the skill of alleviating my fears…

Once you have learned how to psychologically move yourself to a place where you are able to accept the outcomes of any situation and unlock your ability to apply yourself with full commitment; now is the time to stop trying so hard.

Yep – learning how to try so you can stop trying so hard!

We Wei is the Daoist concept of effortless action, or non-striving.

It is not really about not trying; it is more about just allowing our actions to flow without forcing them. Being fully committed and focussed, but not forcing.

Herin lies the road of authentic action.

One for you to ponder…

Here is a link to a YouTube video on the subject of Wu Wei:

There will be more to come on this subject in the future 😊

Enjoy, for now.

Previous Posts – Imperfection and Infinity

All Posts

Subjects