Choosing to Speak Sincerely
Stemming from the Latin word sincerus meaning clean and pure, the word sincere means: Free from pretence or deceit; proceeding from genuine feelings.
When young, if I was being negative my mum always used to shut me up by saying:
“If you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say anything at all”.
In my mind I would always think, what do you actually mean by good?
Speaking sincerely is about communicating honestly with yourself and others. When you adopt this principle, you will, as much as you can, clearly communicate what you think and what you feel. Being honest with yourself is the first stage on the path to being honest with others.
Being honest and straight forward removes the rocks from your back pack and also allows you to give clear and consistent communication to others. As I highlighted, the challenge comes in with the definition of good.
You see, this is a simple principle, but its application is not simplistic.
Talking honestly about how you feel, is what is required for you to find out how you feel. I know that is a bit of an obvious statement, but take a moment to let it sink in.
It is really easy for us to fall in to learned behaviour patterns where we blame each other, and do not accept responsibility for our feelings, behaviours and actions. Humans are very good at making excuses.
We touched on this as part of the first two principles, and rest assured, the theme will come up again and again. We need to be mindful of this deceitful trait and keep checking we are being sincere and honest with ourselves about how we feel.
So, What Does Good Mean?
I would say that any honest expression of how you genuinely feel, is good.
It is good because when you speak freely you are able to understand what is going on in your internal world.
Now, in my previous most about intermittent fasting for the mind, I talked about the concept of the red tap (your ego) and the blue tap (the present moment). When we allow the vessel of our minds to be filled from the red tap, often what comes out of our mouths may be sincere which is good (for self-centred reasons), but is not good for our relationships.
This kind of talk is the “nothing good” that my mom was going on about.
When we talk from the red tap, we are regurgitating our past feelings, fixed judgements of people and things, and our anxieties about the future. We are being authentically ego centric.
While this may not be good for our external relationships, it is good for our internal relationship – in the long run anyway!
You see, even if it is ego talk, you need to first be honest with yourself so you can develop an awareness of what is happening. Awareness is the first step needed to unlock the potential for making a different choice. As such, avoiding self-deceit is key.
Pumping the Clutch
Another key is developing what I call a clutch.
This is a pretty simple concept. Pause before you speak.
Think, pause, speak.
You don’t need to do this all of the time as may end up in procrastinating spirals of self analysis. You do however, need to be able to switch this ability on whenever you feel your emotional state being heighted.
When we are stressed our ego kicks in. Humans evolved the egoic system of the mind as a protection mechanism to help us thrive and survive. It kicks in to keep us safe when we feel stressed, but the issue is that it was designed in the hunter gather age about 50,000 years ago. Society has changed quite a bit since then.
Learning to pump the clutch and disengage your mouth from your mind when stressed gives you the space (creating the void) to observe what it happening.
Observing your own mind with attentive presence.
Don’t get me wrong, deceit is an essential element of comedy so there is a time and a place for being insincere. You just need to be honest with yourself about when that is!
When your internal dialogue is sincere, you will know with clarity, what is going on. Sincere talking calms the rough seas of the mind and lets us see the truth. When you can see the truth, you will become curious, accept your responsibility, and begin to effect change in your life.
It is through this change and the cultivation of the right mindset that you will discover what good and effective communication is. You will be able to communicate sincerely using the words of I and your higher self. Words that embody the higher principles that you choose to exemplify in your life.
I and our higher self are two characters that we will meet when we explore the introspection tool kit of The Mountain Pathway. Think of them as the left and right foot, of the being walking the path of self-actualisation. Speaking sincerely is the practice that will lead you to meet them.
When we sincerely communicate, we become energetically calm; our resonance is steady. This paves the way for others to feel the same and reciprocate sincerity; to follow the lead of our example.
“Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free”
– John 8:32
Enjoy, for now.