I and Me – Benefits and Practical Applications
This is the final post in the series exploring the I and Me tool. You can find the other posts here:
Developing awareness of I and Me is a slow process which will emerge over time. That is if you choose to take time to stop, take stock and reflect frequently.
You have to want to do it; otherwise you won’t be willing to put the effort in. It will not just magically happen by reading these articles; what you read will show you where to apply you effort though…
But why bother?
A Mindful Connection
When we are living in the present moment, we are I. We become I, by not being me.
We are me when we listen to our foreman, get sucked in to psychological time and judge ourselves based on our outdated definition of me.
The practice of mindfulness helps strengthen our connection to I. This is because mindfulness practice brings our attention to the present moment. The home of I.
With a stronger connection to the present moment, we can choose to be I more of the time. We can choose to feel our own energetic vibration.
When we connect with our vitality, we are able to honestly evaluate if we have made the right choices to prioritise increasing our vitality; you cannot measure what you cannot feel, and you can only feel when you are I.
The Stages of Awareness
Developing awareness is not a liner path of progression. You will have good days and bad days; this is completely natural. I have stared my journey of awareness. To be honest, I am not sure if I am closer to the start or the end, what I can say though is that I am further on today than I was yesterday.
The first step for me was being able to identity the emotional states which I felt we constraining on my life. At which moments did I feel that my emotional state would hinder my progress rather than help?
Using these emotions as cues, I would then start to break down the logical thought processes driving them. This takes practice. It can be hard to look in to the mirror and see the truth. Our foreman is programmed to stop us doing this and keep us safe from the pain we might feel.
This is part of the process of awareness that my councillor supported me with. It is tough but once you get just a single glimpse of why you feel the way you do, especially when you manage to trace it back to a negative self-perception you hold (your definition of me), then every insight following will become progressively easier to see.
It worked like this for me:
- Identify the emotions that are constraining you and that you do not want to experience
- Breakdown the logic in your mind that is driving them (the tough bit)
- Spot which bit is the whisper of the foreman (your definition of me)
- Identify which event caused your foreman to respond in this way
Over time, as your awareness of all of the different whispers develops. You will be able to catch the foreman earlier and earlier in this process. When you get to knowing that the event may trigger you foreman, you can take corrective action to bring your awareness to the present moment before a single whisper has been spoke.
Do this enough time and your foreman will shut up! But maybe only on that topic, and there are a lot of topics to develop awareness of!
We will explore this process in more detail in the next tool – Rewriting the Script.
Releasing your Flow
Have you heard the expression: a rabbit in the headlights?
It describes someone that is trapped, in a state of inertia unable to act. When we are me, we are focussed on the headlights (choosing to focus on things we cannot change – the past and the future). It is only when we are I that we can make the decision to take action and move out of the way!
The power of choice and decisive action lies within the grasp of I, not me.
I, speaks to others honestly, because I is not wrapped up in the drama of psychological time. You are not transfixed and constrained by the regrets and perceived injustices of the past.
Connecting to Others
When we are I, we are able to actively listen to other people; able to feel and share their emotions. We are able to develop compassion for them.
We do not project our stories’ definition of a supporting cast member on to them; that is what me does, and it is the very act of putting someone in a box that prevents us from developing deep, meaningful and compassionate relationships.
You connect and relate to the person in front of you in the present moment, not to your historic definition of them stored in your mind (stored right next to your definition of me).
It is important to spend time reflecting on our behaviours and actions but, the real benefit of this tool is unlocked when you can stand there as I, and consciously choose to become aware of me.
When you can choose to reflect on the past, rather than falling victim to the whispered spell of the foreman and slipping in to an unconsciousness present where you flog yourself over past failures and inflate yourself with the pride of historic successes.
When you learn to become I, everything you do and experience will become more enjoyable and fulfilling, you will be present and connect to all of your senses. You will learn how to honestly enjoy things without fear of failure.
When you have been me for so long, becoming I is like taking the shackles off and walking out in to the light. A light that fills you with sense of confidence and freedom to be the person that you really are.
This is an extremely powerful and potent tool. I, is addictive!
When you acknowledge that your definition of me is nothing but a story written through your own eyes; you accept that it is not the truth.
You can then accept that the things that other people say to you, be they positive or negative, are simply a projection of their definition of you as a supporting cast member in their story. What other people say to you is purely about them and their state of mind. It really means nothing to you.
This acceptance gifts you the power to choose not to take things personally. When people project on to you, they are often operating unconsciously and listening to their foreman; if you are not going to listen to your own, then why the hell would you listen to theirs?
Applying this tool starts you on a path towards the rejection of egoic influence from all sources.
When I was a kid, at birthday parties we use to play a game called pin the tail on the donkey. Each child would take it in turns to put on a blindfold and attempt to pin a tail on to a large picture of a donkey. The child that is closest to the right place would win a bag of sweets. Well, this is time for you to play pin the tail on the foreman. Your prize is eternal freedom and happiness.
Enjoy, for now.