The last two months of my life have been the most amazing, challenging, tiring, enlightening, stressful and expansive I have ever experienced…
Becoming a father and then moving house one month in, has afforded me the opportunity to learn a lot about myself.
Moment to moment priorities have been constantly changing. At first it was just a case of focusing on my family and my needs… then it was balancing family with getting ready to move house… then my wife and I agreed a period of a couple of weeks where I would mainly focus on getting us moved and settled in… now I have transitioned back to focusing on family as my first priority… well just about!
There are still bits to do, but nothing that is super urgent; or at least that is what I need to keep reminding myself!
Somewhere amongst all of this I have needed to find time for me…
Well, I must say this has been difficult.
With all of the change around me, my “me time” has been found at the bottom of a beer bottle in an evening rather than doing the things I love to do. My energy has been spent on improving the world around me rather than on improving my inner world, at least for this short period anyway.
Actually Taking a Step Back
I have found the odd moment to stop, breathe, and stretch, but it has been more of a fleeting pause to take stock. I have not afforded myself the luxury of actually reflecting on what has and is manifesting around me…
Well writing this is my chance to do just that.
I have proven myself to be dynamic and flexible, determined and hard working. I have also demonstrated that I can aim to bite of more than I can chew, but I can also rebalance my expectations to sleep easy at night. I am still like a little child at Christmas when there is lots to do and change is afoot; I wake up excited and want to dive right in.
Making, sorting, tidying, building, shaping, discovering… these are the things that excite me.
Where I Choose to Focus
I have mentioned before that I use a list of thing to do each day to keep me focussed. Well I have often found that improving my internal world has given way to improving by external world. On reflection though, I think it was simply the case that the external world I was improving would reap long term benefit for both me and my family, so on balance, making these improvements quickly would outweigh the improvement to our lives of me just focusing on improving myself.
Rather than doing both at the same time, I choose to focus on sharpening the axe, before getting back on with chopping down the tree.
Now the foundations of our future have been laid, I can get back to focusing on me for a bit of the time!
One Step at a Time
You see, self-development and growth is not a liner process. Often we open a door and take a step up in consciousness then find ourselves falling down a step or two.
The difference is though that once you have had a taste of what is to come, it is much easier to get back to where you are.
Growth is about transitioning from one state to another… this is a process where you progressively feel more of one thing and less of another… not a binary state where you switch.
Just writing this has helped me zoom out and observe the whole energetic trajectory of my life; realising that with the right perspective I have made the right choices for the overall growth of my family.
I am going where I want to go, and I am where I need to be.
Here are now.
P.S. I actually wrote this last section with little Santiago sat on my lap. A new experience for me! 😊
Enjoy, for now.